Henry Kissinger died in November, launching a zillion memes:

Back in the land of the alive but hungry, Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman declared that inflation is not nearly as bad as ignorant Americans believe. Some begged to differ:

A big holiday thanks to the FBI for protecting us from an upsurge in terrorist activity:

FBI Closely Monitoring Gathering Of Christian Nationalists  

(Babylon Bee) – ROANOKE, VA — The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.

“Looks like the turkey’s hit the table, boys,” reported Agent Schwartz to the tactical team. “That means the praying will be inbound shortly if I know these sickos like I think I do.”

The FBI has reported a massive increase in Christian Nationalist activity as of late, with many in the Bureau expecting a widespread show of force on Thanksgiving. “The entire Thanksgiving holiday is basically a dog whistle for Christian Nationalists,” explained FBI Director Christopher Wray. “Here we have a holiday declared by Abraham Lincoln, one of the most famous Christian Nationalists ever, meant to be entirely dedicated to thanking God for our country and praying God’s guidance for her future. If that’s not domestic terrorism, I don’t know what is.”

Also thanks to the military-industrial complex for the affordable hardware:

In Incredible Black Friday Sale, Lockheed Martin Offering 2 Wars For Price Of 1

(Babylon Bee) – In an astonishing Black Friday sale, Lockheed Martin is now offering to equip 2 wars for the price of 1.

“We’ve NEVER slashed our prices this low!” said Lockheed CEO James Taiclet in a public press conference announcing the once-in-a-lifetime event. “War in Ukraine! War in Israel! War in China! It doesn’t matter! For today only, we will provide two wars-worth of death-dealing equipment to the government for the price of only one! We could fund 2 wars! 4 wars! Even 6 wars! With prices this low, we’d be foolish not to!”

Sources confirmed defense contractors Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, and General Dynamics have followed suit with similar offers for Black Friday only. The Department of Defense is being advised to stock up on drones, hellfire missiles, space lasers, and other necessary equipment to be sent to rogue governments, terrorist organizations, and corrupt oligarchs around the world to help them make war for the benefit of the military-industrial complex.

“This year, the military can get its Christmas shopping done early,” said Raytheon CEO Gregory Hayes. “Stock up! Those civilians in Yemen aren’t going to bomb themselves!”

Satan Announces Early Retirement Thanks To TikTok

HELL — The world is in shock today after the father of lies abruptly stepped down from his role as “the adversary.” The Devil credited the astonishing performance of TikTok, an invention he reportedly developed together with his business partner Xi Jinping.

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching as it were — I mean, I don’t have one, but you get the idea — and I believe it’s time to retire,” said Satan during an impromptu press conference. “There just isn’t anything for me to really, you know, do anymore. I think TikTok has it pretty well covered.”

Attendees at the press conference gasped and cried out, although sources claim it is unclear if they were upset that the devil would be retiring or if it was because they were being burned in an eternal fire that could not be quenched.

“Look, this isn’t goodbye,” said Beelzebub. “I’ll still be around. But let’s face it, no one needs this ole serpent no more. TikTok is basically a portable version of me that you can carry everywhere and use throughout the day.”

Click on the next image to play the video: